One More for my Baby and One More for the Road…

I know many of you were wondering about alcohol, I know I was. As you may know Banda Aceh is one of the strictest areas in Indonesia. Restaurants are forced to close their doors during fasting, from sunrise to sunset, and alcohol is always prohibited in Banda Aceh…Sharia Police (SP) strictly enforce Muslim law, especially during Ramadan, in fact, from what I hear, a man was recently accosted by the SP for running around a gym track in shorts, I do find this hard to believe because I have been running the last three days on that same track and seem to be the only person wearing running pants—maybe because it is 90+ degrees with more than 70% humidity, stupid pants…but I digress.

Now for the reality: All of the above is true. But, from what I hear, some expatriates actually find restaurants to eat at during fasting hours. Apparently some restaurants are allowed to be open to assist the internationals, I have heard rumors of bribes, and the such, but I doubt that in a place like Banda Aceh. It is probably just a story told by those who love to tell tales.

These same folklorists speak of how these establishments serve great cappuccinos and good sandwiches, if you can stand the bad service (I doubt I would ever go to such a place, I am too impatient). One such place that had been open for the expats, I’ve been told, was recently forced to close its doors as it became too obvious what was going on so the SP had to crack down. More recently, a guy, not unlike me, went out the other day to a restaurant that looked completely closed during the lunch hour. It had a heavy grey steel door pulled in front of it, leaving only a crack of the glass storefront door visible. Apparently, according to the handsome gentlemen that told this story, a women sitting in the dark waved him and his friend in. Once they squeezed through the steel door and pushed into the empty, darkly lit, restaurant they were escorted upstairs to a wonderland of coffees and sandwiches with expats as far as the eye could see—he had an amazing hazelnut cappuccino, it was like the beans were roasted just for him. That handsome devil couldn’t help but laugh at the silliness of all the cloak and dagger games.

Now for the best of the 007 tales: how to get a drink. These stories are the ones that kill me, I tell them only to pass along how silly and unrealistic it all is.

There is supposedly a store that if you walk in and make eye contact with a man of a certain build and comport that very same man will approach you near the back of the store and while you are “shopping” he listens as you mumble your order (if he is not in you must use a code phrase, which is far less clever than is to be believed). After a few minutes you go to the cash register and buy some supplies and the man will charge you “a bit extra” and you leave the store. Later you find the alcohol in an unmarked box in your back seat/trunk. I could go on about restaurants that have secret buzzers and rooftop alcohol service but stories like these just perpetuate a myth. Apparently, that rooftop wonderland transports you to an entirely different world, a world of fanciful mixed drinks and romantic ambiance, a place that even the most jaded people go to smile and relax, if only a place like that truly existed.

The truth is that Banda Aceh is alcohol free, especially during the holy month of Ramadan! I will cease and desist from advertising these sorts of lies and get back to the realities of this blog, sorry for the diversion.

Maid Aid, Uncovered

I have to admit that I felt really uncomfortable having a maid clean-up after me at first. I went so far as to clean before she would arrive so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. But after talking to some of the local people and realizing what I’m paying her, it really is a lot, I decided I had to break some of my good habits. To do this required a change in tactics with my maid (who is adorable and sort-of looks like an Ewok). I had to tell myself, “what would you do if you were at home with mom?” That was about all it took, since then I have been tossing my clothes on the floor, criticizing how she does my laundry, micro-managing her cleaning (I point out things she could do much better) and for an added touch I threw in a bit of how I treat my big sister, by this I mean I complain that she can never make the kitchen smell clean (K-Dog I bet your house smells like dog right now). Needless to say she loves me. Today I was at the store and splurged on a treat for her, lemon fresh bleach.

I have a lot more gekos than I had thought. Last night I counted 17 of them on the ceiling at one time, there’s an enormous family of them roaming my house, it could be well into the hundreds. I continue to enjoy their company and their noises but they jump out at me about once a day and I always think they are a roach at first, I accidentally sprayed one with bug spray but I think he/she is okay, I splashed some water on he/her and he/she scampered off. The roaches are getting fewer and fewer, my cleaning lady has been working extra hard on the counters, sinks, floors and all dark surfaces. I have bought tons of bug killing gunk and have also put a pox on them.

So I have gotten to the bottom of the stinky water. It smells putrid because it is putrid. It comes from an uncovered well that’s in the house, and just meters from the waste (so gross). All our water comes from this well that is so rancid that the little girl from the Grudge won’t go down it. It is swimming with fecal coliform (all sorts of bacteria), soil deposits, decomposed everything and any other foul thing you can imagine. It is so bad that we’ve been told not to wash our tooth brushes in it, this seems like a pointless suggestion since I am showering and shaving in it, I am taking poop showers and shaving with poopy water (I went for the low brow gross-out factor and do so unapologetically). It will be only a mater of time before I begin using an antibiotic as a prophylaxis for the malaria, dengue and all the other “gifts” awaiting for me on this tropical splendor. Just so you know we do have water coolers with good distilled water, clean water how wonderful it is.

On the Go

Lest you all think I am not working I thought I would mention that I am going to an Avian Influenza conference tomorrow, and continually moving from meeting to meeting. I had conference calls much of last night and will again tomorrow. My HQ is in the US which means when we have conference calls it has to be between 9-11pm my time, not such a fun time to have hour long conference calls, especially contentious ones. The work is going well. I feel like I am still trying to find my rhythm though. I have no supervisor and my position is one with a decent amount of responsibility so I feel like I have to find my beat quickly. It is hard because I have a dotted line of responsibility to the in-country head of office but I am the only person here that has a direct line to HQ in the US. It does create potentially contentious situations as HQ and field offices are always at odds (regardless of the org) and since I see my dotted line boss everyday but will see my direct line maybe twice this year it leaves me both (mostly) unsupervised and in a tug of war for my workload. I think it will all work out, but it sure will make for a fun year.

It is funny, and I may regret saying this later, but a part of me is scared that this year will go by too quickly. I feel like I have so much I want to do and so much that needs to be done I just want to make sure I never lose sight of that. I have seen it happen to people too often. They go away filled with idealism and promise and then do just enough to justify their existence and call it a day. I don’t want to walk away from here with great memories of trips to Bali and crazy parties with homesick expats, I want more than that, I owe these people more than that (uh, oh, is that a soapbox I see before me)…those things are nice, they are, but I want to be judged by the impact not the crater (that was equal parts pompous, clever and lame). Anyways…

I have set-up a series of field visits next week which will be cool. Just as amazing, and even more unbelievable to me, I am interviewing candidates for my personal assistant/translator tomorrow. I am going to have an assistant to edit me, handle my paperwork, and do all my translations, my first ever staff. They will never know it but I will be more anxious and giddy than they are.

…This is four hours later, I inspired myself and just completed a 12 page working document, it is like the Lord was reading along and gave me my rhythm. It is just past 1:30 am here and I am about to upload this blog and get to bed so I can spend tomorrow doing what I do. I am not arrogant enough to believe that this job was meant for me, I am humble enough to realize that I am lucky to be here and grateful for the opportunity to serve.